Before we adopted our son, while I was researching raising vegan children I quickly realized that birthday parties were going to be a huge concern for many nonvegans. The notion of a vegan child having to abstain from nonvegan birthday cake is surprisingly appalling to many nonvegans. I brushed the issue aside and simply assumed I would always be prepared and bring a vegan item . I thought my child would easily refuse birthday cake . Since vegan cake is equally delicious, I (wrongly) assumed this would be no problem.
Later, I realized that:
a) kids these days are invited to an enormous number of parties and events that offer nonvegan cake, cookies, candy, etc.
b) preparing for all these events by bringing equally delicious vegan treats to each event would take a substantial amount of time
c) my time and money (not necessarily yours) was better spent doing other things
Thus I learned to prioritize… because making or buying vegan treats requires time and/or money that could be used for other things, like vegan education to people who are more likely to go vegan than the ones offering my son nonvegan treats.
I decided to apply the “all birthday cake is vegan” rule and simply save myself some time and energy on birthday cake so I could focus on the bigger picture. For example, if we’re invited to a party at a pizza place I bring a bag of Daiya. I’ve had success at CiCi’s and Chucky Cheese’s by doing this and asking them to make a pizza with Daiya instead of cow cheese. At the party, I ignore the cake. I make our food choices one issue – pizza – the issue where the nonvegans are more likely to understand, accept, and even partake rather than to make it two issues. Let me explain: the entire cake contains one or two cups of milk and one or two eggs, making each portion a very small fraction of animal suffering. But a cheese pizza is literally covered in cheese. It’s a lot easier for a nonvegan to understand the nonvegan-ness of a cheese pizza than a small slice of nonvegan cake. And besides, my little lovely sugar-freak who is nearly 5-years-old only ever really eats the frosting anyway.
I suspect this cake thing will change when he’s in elementary school and beyond. By then he will have a much better idea about what is and isn’t vegan without having to rely on adults to read ingredients for him. Plus, he will have more self-control and will be better able to resist sugary temptation. (Here’s more on developing self-control: 0-3 and above).
After being a parent a while I had become a bit more flexible about my ideas of vegan parenting (that can happen when you see your one-year-old pick a bug off the ground and try to eat it) I realized my main goal in regards to veganism was to instill in my son a desire to be vegan. One way to do that was to give him plenty of freedom and choice and to empower him with knowledge so that opting for veganism was easy. Since we don’t homeschool or parent in a way that socially isolates our son he is exposed to many nonvegans. And although we make a point for him to meet and play with other vegan children, he knows from personal experience that vegans are a minority. All of which means that he is provided with many opportunities to “stray” from veganism if he chooses. So what do I do about it? I talk to him – a lot – about vegan values and about making vegan choices. Some studies suggest you’re child is unlikely to follow in your ethical footsteps if you neglect to explain your reasons – communication is key.
At this age – preschool – I explain that:
a) nonvegan food comes from animals
b) nonvegan stuff hurts animals
c) the polite way to decline nonvegan food is to say “no thanks” and smile
d) labels and ingredient listings on foods can tell us what’s vegan and what’s not
Yesterday my husband took our son to a birthday party while I was doing vegan education at a local festival. I had my booth set up with samples of vegan food and lots of literature about vegan ethics, vegan recipes, nutrition advice, and lists of vegan-friendly restaurants. I consider myself an EA vegan activist, which is why I spend more time on educating the masses than on trying to convert family or friends. Anyway, my husband was in charge and we’re on the same page about all of this. The party had cheese pizza but wasn’t at a pizza place so he hadn’t brought a bag of Daiya. My husband explained to our son that the pizza was not vegan, had cow cheese on it, and that my husband was not going to eat it. He said, however, “You can choose to eat it if you’re hungry.” Our son thought for a minute and when he was offered a slice by the hosts he politely said “No thank you.” He made the vegan choice for himself!
When I was told the story later in the day I was sooo proud of my son. He’s really a very kind soul. And because of how we parent him, he knows he can make food choices that won’t hurt animals. Will he continue to make this choice, who knows? But we feel confident that our method will produce a thoughtful, empathetic, confident, and polite child who will grow up to be a respectful adult who is also very likely to be vegan.
Notes:
-The photo shown is of a vegan cheese pizza.
–Cici’s has a vegan pizza crust and sauce; Chucky Cheese’s does not. Either way, the animal suffering involved in the pizza is greatly reduced by replacing cow cheese with Daiya.
-Although I spend more of my vegan advocacy directed at strangers I have also reached many family and friends, too. Don’t ever give up on them, I suggest that we ought not over-prioritize them when dolling out vegan advocacy time.
-My experience is that most vegans who object to applying the “All Birthday Cake Is Vegan” rule to children under 8-years-old are not parents.
-Although we apply the “Birthday Cake is Always Vegan” rule for our young son, we never use that phrase around nonvegans because we feel it creates confusion. We simply abstain from eating the cake ourselves (as do most of the adults at the party – that’s normal) and explain that “we make an exception for birthday cake.”
-A few parents have provided vegan options for our son which is always greatly appreciated. Likewise, we do bring vegan treats when practical.